El marielito se toma en serio la campana de asimilacion, y decide hablar
ingles solamente. He aqui su historia, en sus propias palabras.
Ai wanted to spik inglish onli.
Ai uent to id jotel an got a rum, but der was no shits on di bed. Ai
col
di meid an tel jer, " Aid nid a shit". Shi sei, " Go to the toilet".
Ai
sai " No, no iu no onderstand, ai nid tu haf
ei shit on di bed". Shi tel mi " You can't do that" an col mi ei
sonomanbich.
Den ai go to haf brekfas,an order tu piss of tost. But di gueitress
bring mai pleit wis onli guan piss, ai sei, " Ai guan tu piss", Shi
sei,
" Go to the toilet". Ai sei, " No, no iu no onderstan, ai guan tu piss
on di pleit". Shi tel mi" You can't do that" an col mi ei sonomanbich.
Den ai fain di nif, but no fok. Ai tel jer, " Ai wana fok". Shi sei,
"
Everyone in the kitchen wants to fuck". Ai sei, " No, no iu no
onderstan, ai no wana fok in di kichen, ai wana fok on di teibel",
Shi
tel mi "You can't do that" an col mi a sonomanbich.
Uen ai spik inglich eviribodi wan mi tu go tu di toilet, an eviribodi
sei ai cant du uat ai guant, an eviribodi col mi ei sonomanbich. Ai
no
trai tu spik inglich egein.
Mas never.
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YOU MAY BE A CUBANAZO IF....
1. You have been seen on Channel 7 shouting, "NO CASTRO, NO PROBLEM"
2. Your favorite song is "CABALLO VIEJO"
3. You constantly say "en Cuba era mejor, en Cuba no pasa eso",
etc. etc.
4. You are fishing for shrimp at Biscayne Bay under a full moon.
5. You wear a heavy duty 18 karat gold chain with a medal the
size of a dinner plate.
6. Your idea of "formal" is wearing a "GUAYAVERA"
7. Your favorite words are, "OYE", or "VEN ACA" when you are
right next to the person.
8. You think the perfect family should resemble the "QUE PASA
USA" family.
9. Your tradition is to kill a pig and roast it in the backyard
on Christmas Eve.
10. You call Beck's Beer "LLAVE"
11. You are a registered REPUBLICAN.
12. You wake up to the shrieking of roosters in your backyard.
13. You have used the terms "ACERE, MI SOCIAL, CONSORTE" within the
last week.
14. Your idea of a soft drink is "Malta Hatuey"
15. Your favorite flavors of milkshakes are "Mamey, Papaya, or Guanabana"
16. Your favorite Sunday sport is "Dominoes"
17. All the presets in your car radio are set to "WQBA, WAQI, WCMQ,
& RADIO FE"
18. You costantly say "Fidel se cae este ano"
19. You have been in the U.S. for 10 years and still don't speak English.
20. Your retirement fund is buying a lotto ticket every Saturday.
21. You go to your family's or friend's funeral to tell jokes and socialize.
22. You smoke cigars that are longer than your arm.
23. You wear several gold rings, a very wide gold watch, and a heavy
gold wrist chain.
24. You pay $15,000 for your daughter's "Quinces" and the affair was
extremely tacky.
25. You hire a prostitute for your 14 year old son so he can enter
manhood.
26. You are a mechanic and your shop is your front yard.
27. You still wear your shirt collar over your suit.
28. You think "CREOLINA" and "VICK"S VAPOR RUB" are the greatest inventions
of time.
29. You use words like, "Bipeame, Faxeame, Shipeame, and Taipeame"
30. You dye your grey hair, (if any), and mustache with jet black ink.
31. You tell everyone you had central A/C in your house in Cuba.
32. You wear black see through "Casino Once" type socks and white vinyl
shoes.
33. You look forward to "SABADO GIGANTE" every Sunday.
34. You clean your teeth with a toothpick in public after eating.
35. You tell your wife, "Mami, hazme cafe y traeme agua."
36. Your wife uses really big rollers in her hair.
37. You say "LA VAQUITA" instead of "Farm Stores"
38. You don't believe in "Brujeria" but respect it anyway.
39. You use redundant expressions like "ME CAGO EN LA MIERDA"
40. You have the entire "HANSEL & RAUL" collection.
41. You have a chemical dependence on Cuban Coffee after every meal.
42. You have use of the word, "HEVA"
43. You have many religious statues in your house taller than you.
44. You have a peculiar passion for wrist watches.
45. You call PUBLIX, "EL PUBLIE"
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